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  • Writer's pictureMellissa Briley

Returning to Corinth

Updated: Aug 15, 2023

Date: September 8, 2017

Location: On train from Athens to Corinthos to Loutraki

Returning to Corinth on the Suburban train from Athens

Twenty minutes on the bus, forty minutes on the metro, two suburban trains later, and I’m almost back to where I began.

Looking out the window, there were planes flying over. I think I passed a small airport, I think it was a training area. I tried to get a photo for him, but I failed.

Further the train moved, over the sea. I felt sad, because seeing those planes was not something I could describe with real-time words. There is currently mild dilatation in my peripheral subarachniod spaces, mainly around my frontal and temporal lobes - I’m tripping here. Besides, I’m growing tired of words. Tired of photos. Tired of distance. Of all I could be, and everything I am capable of, I am tired of not being able to. So before my heart hurts, I retreat to the warmth of memory - the Summer sun.

When I am outside, out of nowhere, an invisible arrow strikes my senses and I feel him in the sunlight; feel him in the moonlight. With all the chaos around me, some in my control, some not; it’s in his presence I find focus. I can see in the dark and I see a light. This light is warm and feels like home - not a physical home, but like a familiar star to ancient sailors, being guided at sea. This light doesn’t force me, doesn’t beckon me, but is a gentle guide.

Lately, I’ve had this looping dream in my head; lets sneak onto the playground under the moonlight and let's sit there because I still have so much to tell you and I want to know everything about you. It’s like returning “home” after a thousand years...and with you, I feel very much myself. I don’t pause, I don’t stop - I feel whole.

There I was, walking through space and time, calling out for something. I walked through a door and suddenly there he was, with all the logic and clarity I had sought – I had thought myself alone. I kept thinking, “does he feel this too? Is this my imagination?”

I analyze the psychology of my emotions and behavior - what am I doing? And after searching my mind and heart with a flashlight: my conclusion is that everything I feel is genuine, healthy, and pure. I feel so free. It is him and all he is.

Perhaps this life is preparing us for the next and I pray he will be there...I could never imagine a life without him, my pilot.

And that’s when I turned around, and saw something I’ve never seen, in all my years in Europe. A young lady sitting near me, wearing a NASA jacket. I couldn’t help but to smile at the irony. Perhaps the Universe is having a laugh, or perhaps the Universe is telling me something.

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